Parady

These two pieces were published in MAD magazine, March 1969. The writer is Frank Jacobs. They turn the tables on Robert and has the shooting of Dan Mcgrew if it written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. In the same piece Robert Service writes the Night Before Christmas. This turnaround is interesting and highlights certain styles that poets have.

If Moore's "The Night Before Christmas" were written
by Robert W. Service

A bunch of the boys were whooping it up
on a Christmas Eve one year,
All full of cheap whiskey and hoping like hell
that St. Nick would soon appear,
When right through the door and straight out of the night,
which was icy and cold as a freezer,
Came a broken down sled, pulled by eight mangy dogs
Which were whipped by an old bearded geezer.

His teeth were half missing, and flapping his frame
was a tatter of red-colored clothes;
He was covered with snow from his head to his toe,
and an icicle hung from his nose;
The miners all cheered when the geezer appeared,
and the poker game stopped in mid-bet;
Each sourdough smiled like a young, happy child
at the thought of the gifts he would get.

They pushed him aside and went straight for his bag
to be sure that they'd all get their share;
And, oh, how they cried when they found that inside
there was nothing but old underwear;
So they plugged the old geezer, which was a great shame,
for if anyone there had been sober
He'd have known double quick that it wasn't St. Nick,
'cause it only was early October!

If Service's "The Shooting of Dan Mcgrew" were written
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Listen my children, and I'll tell you
Of the valiant death of Dan McGrew;
With a patriot's pride he made his stand
While foes assailed his native land
And threatened to tear down
the red, white and blue!

When the struggle for freedom
lay hanging in doubt
He cried to the bartender, with a fierce shout-
"One if its whiskey, and two if it's beer!"
He drank like a man who had nothing to fear,
While brave men around him
where all passing out!

At last, the dread enemy came into view,
And a cowardly bullet cut down Dan Mcgrew;
How the hopes of a nation
were shattered that night!
And yet men could say as they took up the fight-
"A bullet achieved what no rotgut could do!"

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